Kirkkitsch’s Blog


“Life is not whatnot, and it’s none of your business”
June 18, 2014, 4:43 am
Filed under: Life

I‘m sitting here at Subway, killing time until I have to be at work at 12:30 (2.5 hours from now). I’d actually rather be at the library down the street, but since I’m unable to check anything out, it’d be like window shopping…which you know I hate.

Emotionally, I’ve been feeling ‘yuck’ lately. It’s a little bit of everything: money, age, accomplishments (or lackthereof), relationships, etc.

Part of me (the biggest part) tells me to just accept that this is just how I am and stop over-thinking it. Then the upbeat magazine article part of me tells me that I’m in control of my own life and what course it takes; think positive! organize my clutter! take chances!

For once, believe it or not, work (the job itself) is actually a non issue…sorta kinda. I’m content with the work aspect of it, but environmentals are a fucking minefield of problematic issues:

As a rule, I’ve never been the type of person who subscribes to the usual pitfalls of aging. I have friends (re: my age or older) whom bemoan physical ailments, compare themselves to younger people and lament the appearance of our generation’s pop culture figures; ultimately comparing themselves to these icons because of psychological attachments per their youth. Now don’t get me wrong, I can totally understand and appreciate the physical aspects (re: ailments) and in no way mean to devalue them (I have a few of my own). Nor am I suggesting that I am ready to Step It Up and participate in some age-defying physical antics. No, I’m not delusional. I’m aware of how old I am, compared to how old I feel. Granted, I could probably pay a little more attention to my appearance, I am not one of those people who’s overly concerned with how old I look or appear to look. Eventually polite, well-meaning compliments become patronizing, whether they mean to be or not. I guess I’m just not that susceptible.

With that said, I sometimes get momentarily derailed by the constant barrage of ageism in the area where I work. I initially thought it was a combination of physical appearance AND age. However (ironically) as time goes on, I’ve come to realize it’s age. Just age. I know. I know what you’re thinking: “Kirk, it’s always been this way. Youth is king.” I guess I’ve just never seen it so concentrated before. Maybe I never really took notice before because I was still part of that demographic. Maybe I’m on the cusp of the infamous “midlife crisis.”

I’ll revisit this particular vein again, later, regarding the workplace and my problem du jour.

Tomorrow: Part 2


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

So glad you are back to blogging. I have missed your posts. And, I totally feel you. I think about how old I am, and my accomplishments or as you said, lackthereof. It gets frustrating. And, I can’t stand my super positive friends who state I’m in control of my destiny, and just take a leap. Uh, hello! I have a disabled child to care for, and I sure as shit am not going to let him have bad parents like I did. So, that being said, destiny will have to wait, and my role as a mother comes first. What can you do? Just keep moving forward.

By the way, where we live, it is young college kid, hipster hell. Not even kidding. I swear my neighbors are either elderly or under 30. Ugh.

Comment by twoveganboys

Thank you, Krys. I’ve missed writing. šŸ™‚

Yeah, it’s always easier said than done. I think people are just trying to find a way to interject some form of positivity when they tell you that kind of stuff. I know when I vent about crap, some of my friends feel like they need to find a ‘solution’ for me, but more often than not, I’m just frustrated and looking for a sounding board more than anything else. I agree with you: just keep moving forward. We all end up where we end up. šŸ™‚

Ugh, hipsters. We have a version of that where I work. When I see the obvious, oversized black rim glasses, that obviously have no practical purpose, I can’t help but cringe. Especially, when it’s on someone who obviously NOT school-age. Lame.

“Elderly or under 30”- you just described my dating demographic. Where are all the normal people? SO over the steady barrage of barflies and fuckmonsters. You don’t even know.

Comment by kirkkitsch

I’m so happy to see you are blogging again! I remember when I hit a certain age (around 45….yeah I’m an old fart at 55 now. In my head I’m still a young’un though) I started feeling like I’d become invisible to younger people. It was so weird and I shared my feelings with my mom and she told what I was feeling/noticing was something she understood and related to. For example if I was at work and talking with a group of my co-workers, it seemed like the really young ones (under age 30) didn’t really hear me. It was like they looked past me. It is hard to explain. It was disappointing because I still felt young, vibrant and worthy of having a voice. As you said, Youth is king. šŸ™‚

Comment by Cindi




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