Kirkkitsch’s Blog

“Life is not whatnot, and it’s none of your business”
June 18, 2014, 4:43 am
Filed under: Life

I‘m sitting here at Subway, killing time until I have to be at work at 12:30 (2.5 hours from now). I’d actually rather be at the library down the street, but since I’m unable to check anything out, it’d be like window shopping…which you know I hate.

Emotionally, I’ve been feeling ‘yuck’ lately. It’s a little bit of everything: money, age, accomplishments (or lackthereof), relationships, etc.

Part of me (the biggest part) tells me to just accept that this is just how I am and stop over-thinking it. Then the upbeat magazine article part of me tells me that I’m in control of my own life and what course it takes; think positive! organize my clutter! take chances!

For once, believe it or not, work (the job itself) is actually a non issue…sorta kinda. I’m content with the work aspect of it, but environmentals are a fucking minefield of problematic issues:

As a rule, I’ve never been the type of person who subscribes to the usual pitfalls of aging. I have friends (re: my age or older) whom bemoan physical ailments, compare themselves to younger people and lament the appearance of our generation’s pop culture figures; ultimately comparing themselves to these icons because of psychological attachments per their youth. Now don’t get me wrong, I can totally understand and appreciate the physical aspects (re: ailments) and in no way mean to devalue them (I have a few of my own). Nor am I suggesting that I am ready to Step It Up and participate in some age-defying physical antics. No, I’m not delusional. I’m aware of how old I am, compared to how old I feel. Granted, I could probably pay a little more attention to my appearance, I am not one of those people who’s overly concerned with how old I look or appear to look. Eventually polite, well-meaning compliments become patronizing, whether they mean to be or not. I guess I’m just not that susceptible.

With that said, I sometimes get momentarily derailed by the constant barrage of ageism in the area where I work. I initially thought it was a combination of physical appearance AND age. However (ironically) as time goes on, I’ve come to realize it’s age. Just age. I know. I know what you’re thinking: “Kirk, it’s always been this way. Youth is king.” I guess I’ve just never seen it so concentrated before. Maybe I never really took notice before because I was still part of that demographic. Maybe I’m on the cusp of the infamous “midlife crisis.”

I’ll revisit this particular vein again, later, regarding the workplace and my problem du jour.

Tomorrow: Part 2

I Have Returned!
June 18, 2014, 4:24 am
Filed under: Life

Hey everyone! I had no idea that more than a year (a year and 8 months to be precise) had passed since I last posted! My apologies. I’ve been really busy with work and I haven’t had the time to do the kind of labor-intensive posts I used to do. HOWEVER, I miss writing (read: venting), so I’ve decided to begin posting my journal entries. Basically the stuff I write in the hours prior to me having to be at work. Since I generally get to work 2-3 hours early (I just do not wanna deal with any potential traffic snafus that will end up putting me in a bad mood/stress me out before I have to be at work for eight hours), I often sit somewhere and drink some iced tea and read…or write.

These posts may be broken up into parts, since I sometimes write anywhere from 4-8 pages. Not always, but sometimes. I don’t know how humorous these posts will be, so you’ve been forewarned. A lot of times, it’s just observations, how I’m feeling at the moment, what’s on my mind or just random thoughts. I don’t know if I’ll be posting images to accompany my posts, so they may not be as pretty as past ones. Whatever the case, they’re real and probably not as apologetic (audience-friendly) as past posts either. I figure at this point, you pretty much know how I am and how I think, so you most-likely won’t take anything I have to say personally, but as a broad stroke with very few colors.

If I ever deem a post to be particularly damning, should it be seen by co-workers and/or unwanteds, I’ll most-likely make that post password protected. If you know the password, groovy. If not, and I can verify your identity, it’s yours for the asking. I’ll try to make it as uncomplicated as possible.

With that said, Part 1 of today’s entry follows this introductory post. Enjoy.