Kirkkitsch’s Blog

July 9, 2012, 6:00 am
Filed under: Food, Reviews

As I may or may not have mentioned, our beloved Fabulous 50’s restaurant (fast food joint) left us a little over a year or so ago. It was sad for me, not so much because it was like ‘stepping back into a time machine’ (hardly), but because they had GREAT burgers and I, personally, enjoyed the atmosphere. The typical clientele weren’t a bunch of retards being awesome, but mostly older people and/or people who know how to act in public; kind of a family place, which flies in the face of Kirk’s Logic (i.e. the fact that I ENJOYED that type of environment), but those are the facts.

Well, for some reason (insanity?) the people who owned it sold it. Why, I have no earthly idea. They were ALWAYS packed and the food was always delicious…though towards the end, it was tending to be prepared haphazardly, but I digress. So I walk in one day, after it’d been sold, remodeled, yet retained the same name… and it wasn’t the Fabulous 50’s I once knew. They’d removed the fixin’s bar (perpetually fresh toppings for your burger/dog), the self-serve drink machine and a large chunk of stool-style seating (mainly where people sat and drank their milkshakes). AND the entire staff was… Asian. Of course when I think of “fabulous 50’s” I think WWII. NOT! Needless to say, they’d changed the menu, removing all the food item’s names (i.e. The Lucy Burger, The Betty Boop, etc.). I was so disenchanted that I just walked in, did a u-turn and walked out, never to return.

Well, the place TANKED with a capital ‘T’. They wend under faster than a blonde at a Shriner convention. The place remained closed for a while, then I heard that it was going to be turned into a Del Taco. I was super-psyched because I have bittersweet memories of seeing Del Tacos and Hardee’s whilst on summer vacations, back in the olden days (read: 80’s). I say “bittersweet” because I SO wanted those Looney Tunes glasses they were hawking back in the 80’s, but alas, my parents would not stop. DAMMIT! I wanted those shitty, crudely-drawn, paper-thin glasses!!

SO, I (im)patiently awaited Del Taco’s return. I saw the building transform into an entirely new entity, gleaming with a new facade, bright colors and the potential of deliciousness. I waited: The ‘Coming Soon’ banner was unfurled. And waited. And waited: all that was left was the signage. And waited. Finally I said ‘fuck it’ and moved on with my life (as it is). Then one day, it was if the clouds parted and angels sang on high: they were OPEN! I remember it like it was this Wednesday (it was). I came out of Aldi, with my freezer bag loaded with boxes of lemonade popsicles (and animal crackers) and that’s when I saw it: NOW OPEN! *squeal* …and it was a MADHOUSE. Seriously. The drive-in line wrapped around to the parking lot and what little parking lot they have was FULL. This went on for a week or more. There was never a good time to go. It was perpetually PACKED.

So, I bided my time and FINALLY dropped by around 3 one day and it was less packed; at least there were a few parking spots. As I got out to go in, I noticed their sign said “24 Hours”. Dammit! If I’d only known. Oh well. I ordered their Deluxe Tacos (they have sour cream, thus the “Deluxe”). They had a salsa bar inside, with REAL salsa; one Medium, one Hot. I chose the Hot and LOVED it. They also had pumps (think Arby’s) for the various ‘sauces’ (think Taco Bell packets).

The verdict: Delicious! They were definitely different than shitty ol’ Taco Bell (whom I’ll still eat, if the mood strikes; I still like some of their creations, but not many). For one, the meat was better tasting as were the taco shells & cheese. It reminded me of what Taco Bell tasted like back in the 80’s, before their meat got super-processed and über “flavorful”.

BUT, there is one footnote I’d like to make. I went back the next day and, again, went apeshit over the tacos, this time getting crazy and ordering a burrito too (also delicious), BUT they were out of SALSA at the salsa bar. I waited for it to be refilled, but the folks working there apparently fucking HATE THEIR JOB. Seriously, for a place that JUST OPENED, the employees act like the living-fucking-dead; not remotely friendly, deadpan looks. Bad. Anyway, apparently the salsa issue was blowing their mind because after coming out and half-heartedly conveying the salsa bar, they sluggishly shuffled back behind the counter, never to be seen again. I asked the girl who gave me my order if I could get some SALSA. She threw 10 packets of SAUCE in my bag instead. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized what it was. Basically, it’s the same shit Taco Bell passes out, and therein lies the rub. It turns Del Taco’s GOOD tacos into Taco Bell’s shitty tacos. Seriously, it transforms them. The KEY is the Del Taco SALSA. You’ve been warned.

So to sum up: Del Taco food is DELICIOUS, with SALSA or on it’s own, but don’t fuck it up with their Bellacious ‘sauce’.



P.s. And while we’re on the subject of Del Taco, did ya’ll ever read/hear about this dumbass? His ‘How To Scam Del Taco’ YouTube video got his ignorant ass arrested. Watching it just makes my blood boil. Douche.

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