Kirkkitsch’s Blog


A Priest, a Drunk, and a Witch Walk Into a Bar…
September 23, 2011, 6:00 am
Filed under: Movies, Reviews

Priest– To be honest, I originally ignored the urge to watch this trailer because I have the 1994 version of Priest ingrained in my memory and my first thought was “Do we really need a 3D remake of a gay priest movie?” I was mistaken. Wrong priest. This was a totally different priest.

So, when I finally watched the trailer, I was kinda excited that it was a vampire movie. It actually looked kinda interesting. And that’s why I rented it from RedBox. Here’s a brief synopsis for those unfamiliar with the film: A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.

First off, I loved the look of the film and I LOVED that Karl Urban was in it (as the villain ‘Black Hat’). Vampires have never been sexier. Ow! Oh, and I have to give a shout out to Mädchen Amick (of Twin Peaks fame), who, in my opinion, is just as beautiful as ever.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. It had a Blade Runner meets Underworld feel to it. It kept a good pace and had an interesting storyline, but I don’t know if it’s something I’d necessarily add to my DVD collection. Personally, I felt like they could have done better with the choice of lead actors (something about him just felt ‘off’). AND, personally, I thought the Priestess character (played by Maggie Q), kicked WAY more ass and was a blast to watch. She needs her own movie!

So, yes, worth the rental, but not necessarily anything that we haven’t seen before. Wonder what it looked like in 3D…

Everything Must Go– Oh lord. Where do I begin with this piece of crap? It should have been rated ‘FA’ for Fuckin’ Awful! First off, in the movie’s defense (I suppose), I ASSUMED that since Will Ferrell was in it, it was another ‘wacky’ comedy. It’s SO not. Another red flag should have been the fact that I never even heard of the movie before it hit RedBox. Next time I will definitely do my research.

Synopsis (as if it matters): When an alcoholic relapses, causing him to lose his wife and his job, he holds a yard sale on his front lawn in an attempt to start over. A new neighbor might be the key to his return to form.

I couldn’t finish the film. Seriously. It was that excrutiating. Even I’m not THAT bored. I didn’t give a shit about Ferrell’s character. Ferrell should definitely stick to the schtick. He does NOT do ‘drama’ well. He’s just not plausible. He is not ‘everyman’.

The one highlight of the film was Christopher Jordan Wallace, who played the neighborhood kid Ferrell befriends. He was the most interesting, 3-dimensional character in the whole thing. Otherwise, a complete waste of your time. It boggles my mind the positive reviews that they managed to scrape together to put on the cover of the DVD. Awful. Avoid with a capital ‘A.’

Inferno– Bored and looking for something I’d never scene before (within the realm of horror), I landed on Dario Argento’s Inferno via NetFlix.

First off, let me tell you, I LOVE me some Dario Argento. He’s brilliant and one of the few Italian (horror) film makers whose movies I DO like. Sure, his movies are gory with a capital ‘G’, but they’re also beautiful films (I’m particularly fond of his 80’s era films, though I really enjoyed 2001’s Sleepless). I remember falling in love with Opera, The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, Deep Red, etc.

Secondly, I was already familiar with the ‘3 Mothers’ trilogy, of which Inferno is part 2 (Suspiria being part 1 and Mother of Tears being Part 3). BUT, what I didn’t know was that Inferno was made in 1980! I can’t tell you how many times I saw it and passed it up, assuming it was one of his later works, of which I am not a big fan (they’re hit & miss at best).

Thirdly, I was not a huge fan of Suspiria. Visually, I loved it, but it never really clicked with me. However, I DO own it, so I may have to revisit it, now that I’ve seen Inferno. I have a feeling I may have an all-new appreciation for it.

For those unfamiliar with the film (Inferno), here is a brief synopsis: Semi-sequal to ‘Suspiria’ has a American college student in Rome, and his sister in New York investigating a series of killings in both locations where their resident addresses are the domain of two covens of witches.

The movie is visually gorgeous. Saturated color makes every scene hauntingly beautiful and dreamlike. I enjoyed the story (though some claim it’s too convoluted for them) and was pleasantly surprised to see Leigh McCloskey (gorgeous!) in a film. The murders are wonderfully gruesome, much considerably more subdued than some of his earlier films. I’m one of those old fogies that still enjoys a little left to the imagination.

Overall, a brilliant piece of eyecandy with a sinister witch twist. I will most definitely be adding this one to my collection! Recommend!


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