Kirkkitsch’s Blog


Watched Too
January 31, 2011, 6:00 am
Filed under: Movies, Reviews

Nanny McPhee Returns– Meh. I was looking for some lighthearted fair, and since I loved the original, I figured the sequel was just what the doctor ordered. Not so much. Though the movie was cute, it was too much CGI and too much sentimentality this time around. It’s almost as if they saw what worked with the original and decided to double it (which I guess is what most sequels do). I still enjoyed Emma Thompson and could actually stomach Maggie Gyllenhaal (AKA ‘Footface’), who’s did a great British accent. Overall, the movie was okay as a rental, but it went on too long towards the end (esp. the barley harvesting scene). I would have preferred that Nanny McPhee (“little ‘c’,, big ‘P'”) walk off into the field of harvested barley, disappear behind a giant bale of it, whilst being pursued by the family, only to find their father (home from the war) there instead. Much better than the played out ending they went with.
Piranha 3D– After seeing the trailer for this, I had no interest in seeing it. I thought the fish looked too goofy and was SO not interested in seeing the latest, hippest, most eXtreme version of Spring Break. Funny how boredom changes all that (I was still bored after I rented it). I’d already heard through the grapevine that there was loads of boobs and gore, but I was okay with that, though, quite honestly, these days that translates into ‘marketing ploy.’ Long story short: I was bored to tears. It was pretty much softcore porn with a “horror” side plot.

The pros: The special effects were excellent, as related to carnage. The CGI burping, growling fish…not so much. The castrated penis-eating scene: lame. Definitely for the Wal-Mart crowd. The filming location was beautiful and I can only imagine how awesome (not being sarcastic) this probably was in 3D. I actually wish I’d seen it in 3D now. I found the Special Features featurettes more interesting than the actual movie. Oh! And Elisabeth Shue still looks amazing! Whatever happened to her brother, Andrew? I used to have the biggest crush on him. SO good-looking!

The cons: Slooooow pacing. I didn’t care about any of the characters, at all. The attempt to give “the fans” a wink & a nod, by exploiting Richard Dreyfuss, in the opening scene (a la Jaws). I hate that. I really do. Fanboys think it’s “sweet” because *hyuck!* they recugnize him from Jaws! It’s SO contrived (not an homage, like fans of this genre would like to perceive it as) and an insult to real fans of the genre. A movie that can hold its own doesn’t need gimmicks. In the end, the only reason to own this movie is for beat off material (which is perfectly fine by me, just don’t try to act like it’s for cinematic reasons) or if you’re an avid fan of gore special effects…and I seriously doubt it’s the latter. I’d rather see the original. It knew how to build suspense.
The Wizard of Oz– I forgot how beautiful this movie really is. All the sets were masterful and it’s easy to see why it’s sustained classic status. Though, I did notice, this time around, that some of the editing towards the end (i.e. The Wicked Witch of the West scenes in particular) seemed really choppily-edited. What’s that about? The flying, hissing monkeys still creep me out.
Shrek Forever After– I’m sure it’s already been used, but this could have been called ‘Dreck.‘ SO weak. I have to admit, I liked the first two of this series, but the last two were just awful. Obviously made to cash in on the Wal-Mart crowd, this franchise has gone the way of direct-to-video. Nowhere near as clever and amusing as the first two. I was looking for something light & fluffy and this was just completely hollow. The franchise is tired. Come up with something new, Myers.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind– I haven’t watched this movie in decades. I remember seeing it on TV, back in the 80’s, but I never got on board the phenom, when it originally came out in ’77 (though I would have been just the right age to love it, probably). I was never a big sci-fi nut, so I think that’s a big part of the puzzle.

However, after watching it again, I can definitely see why it’s a favorite for so many people. It’s a really beautiful, well-acted film with a great plot. You can definitely tell this is a Spielberg film, what with the love of foreign locales/languages and epic music (and I don’t mean Gen Duh’s version of ‘epic).
Case 39– Again, boredom took over and a movie I wasn’t interested in before, magically became the answer to Friday night doldrums. The best thing about this by-the-book movie: Bradley Cooper. That’s about it. Well, it did have good suspense and interesting camera angles, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from fast-forwarding. It reminded me a lot of that cineturd Drag Me to Hell, that so much of the populace seemed to like.
Open Season 3– I didn’t care for the first one, though judging from the reviews online, people have a real hard-on for it. I think it’s because they can identify the voices (Martin Lawrence & Ashton Kutcher). I own the second one (Crispin Glover as the bitter, diabolical poodle was hilarious…as was Roger the Cat). I didn’t even know they’d made a third one until I saw it at RedBox. It. was. AWFUL. The “animation” quality was abysmal, as were the new characters and overall plot. I’m officially cured.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop– I’ve always had a thing for Kevin James. I find him really good-looking. Never had a big issue with the body. SO much more into faces. Anyway, I remember seeing the trailer for this and thinking it might be funny. Then it was released to DVD and I thought “Oh, I’ll rent it one of these days.” That day was yesterday. I wish I’d left it in the kiosk. Painfully awful. The only thing I liked about it was looking at Kevin James and Bobby Cannavale (gorgeous!). The schtick went on way too long, most of the time and it just felt like it was trying too hard to be ‘wacky.’ I can definitely see why this was a Happy Madison production. Made for the lowest common denominator audience. BAD.
The Dark Half– Growing up, I always got C. Thomas Howell and Timothy Hutton confused (kinda like I get Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dan Morgan {both super-hot!} confused). This is one of those Stephen King movies that I really enjoyed. Though I haven’t read the book (but might now!), it felt like the movie version didn’t puss-out when it came to the translation. Great thriller that keeps you guessing. Loved it.


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Bless you for taking the time to describe the terminlogy to the inexperienced persons!

Comment by Emile




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