Kirkkitsch’s Blog

March 24, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: Life

In a somewhat related topic to tomorrow’s post, in late April, I am going to my parents’ house and helping my dad clear out a lot of my mom’s clothing, jewelry and other assorted items. I’m lucky (I’m uncomfortable using this word, but ‘blessed?’) to have 3 2 good friends going with me, to lend a hand.

P is one of those people I asked…eventually. I wasn’t initially going to because I wasn’t sure we knew each other well enough for me to ask such a personal favor, but I did and was surprised when he said that he would. Now I feel like one more selfish asshole asking him to help them out. Needless to say I feel like a hypocrite. I’ve considered rescinding the request, but I really need his help. I dunno.

If you’re thinking to yourself “Huh? I knew his mom had Alzheimer’s, but why are they already clearing stuff from the house? She’s not dead!” And that’s true. However, since I didn’t have access to a computer for most of the month of February, I was unable to blog about my most recent visit home to see her. It was awful. I wanted to die. My dad had suggested that I come visit since it’d been about 3 months since my last visit and he was afraid that she had progressed to a point where she may not remember me much longer. As awful as it sounds, I’d been dreading going to visit because it had been so long and I didn’t want to know how much she’d regressed.

I was more than a little shocked when I saw her: She was sitting on the couch, couldn’t really get up and was mumbling almost inaudibly; often times mimicking what you would say to her. She smelled of urine and it broke my heart as I sat there holding her hand, telling her I loved her. She still knew who I was, tilting her head back a little, trying to kiss me as she sat there and I leaned in. She squeezed my hand hard, never letting go the entire time I sat next to her, patting it from time to time as if to say “I love you and I know who you are.’ On some level it was some comfort that she still knew who I was, but for the most part it was heartbreaking. You hear that word from time to time, ‘heartbreaking’ and it’s really little more than a passing phrase, but now I feel like I’ve experienced it. My heart is sick and I don’t know if it will ever be the same again.

I won’t even go into detail about how angry I am about how my dad is(n’t) taking care of her. I just can’t do it right now or my blood pressure will fucking soar out of my head. He thinks he’s a hero for feeding her and changing her underwear, but she’s NOT clean and the nurses or whatever they are that come in 4 days a week aren’t going to win any awards for their sponge baths anytime soon. I can’t seem to get him to understand that she needs a BATH. Her hair was matted and awful and when I mentioned the urine smell, he said it was probably the couch, since that’s where she’s taken to sleeping. He claims he’s going to bath her or get someone to, but it’s yet to happen. I want to report him, anonymously of course, SO badly, but I know it wouldn’t truly be anonymous. I can’t afford to leave work and come stay with her for any extended period of time because I don’t make enough to pay my bills as it is. It’s all just very frustrating. And the really frustrating part is that his combined income is 3-4x more than I make a month and he’s so fuckin’ selfish that he won’t spend the money he needs to on her and proper care, though he claims to be gathering all this information from various mythical sources that never seem to bear fruit. Whatever.

Anyway, my point is that I’ll be going home for 3 days next month, with 3 friends in tow and we are going to work on emptying one of the 5 closets and 1 room FULL of clothes, purses, shoes and jewelry. I’ll also be emptying out the china cabinet and other sentimental areas that I don’t want ransacked by his opportunistic family. I will then, in turn be taking it all back home to put in the ginormous garage/estate sale that I am hosting at my house, along with 10+ other friends in May. I know it seems ghoulish and morbid to be doing this so prematurely, but if I wait until one or both of my parents are dead, it will be even worse. This way, at least I can begin to make a dent in all the clutter and excess. It’s out of control and has been for decades. And if I wait for my dad to do anything about it he’ll GIVE it all away (ironic, seeing as he’s perpetually ‘hurting’ for money…yeah, join the club asshole) and/or (and this is the morst likely scenario) do absolutely nothing about it, which seems to be his m.o. He was forever waiting me and my mother out to do things he doesn’t want to do. Always. And that’s what this all boils down to: since the person who did EVERYTHING (laundry, prescriptions, doctor appointments, paid bills, grocery shopped, cooked, cleaned, washed) is now incapacitated, he found out that it’s WORK and hasn’t stopped whining ever since. It’s nauseating. And the part that gets my goat, is that he’s got everyone where he lives, fooled, with his “woe is me” routine. I can’t stand it.

So, there you have it. The drama du jour. That’s what I have to look forward to come this April. I DREAD it like poison, but it has to be done. I’ll keep you posted.

3 Comments so far
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Hey doll, can I get a password or am I persona non grata to the protected posts?

Comment by Natalee

BTW, I am so, so, sorry about your mother. My grandmother has the same thing, and is also suffering from terminal cancer. Luckily, my mother went to KY to bring her back to OK last year and take care of her, since it was obvious she was being neglected by her then-now-former husband. She didn’t know me at Thanksgiving, but every now and then has a moment of lucidity. It truly is heartbreaking. ((HUGS))

Comment by Natalee

Reading this made me think about my Grandma who passed away in January. A lot of painful similarities.

I’m confused as to why you feel “like a hypocrite” for asking your friend to go with you to help. I don’t think you are being “selfish” at all.

Hugs from me too.

Comment by Cindi

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